This one is mostly for my working mamas, but I think we ALL feel this way at one point or another.
As women we do it ALL! We feed, diaper, dress, bathe, and nurse our skids ack to health. All of the parenting things, they fall on us. It starts out with the excuse of "well, you're breastfeeding so I can't really help" or "since you're on maternity leave and I'm at work all day..." After that, well, we've been in this role for months or even upwards of a year (or more!) so why not just continue as we have been? Ya'll, I'm calling BULLSHIT! Your spouse was as much of the child making process as you were, although they only did the "fun" part. We carried those babies from a tiny poppy seed up to a damn watermelon. And then we had the hardest, yet most rewarding experience of our lives. You either A) pushed that watermelon out of your whooo-ha OR B) You had MAJOR surgery to have that baby cut out of your belly. Either way, it's an incredibly painful experience.
After ALL of that, you'd think we could get a break....no! Maternity leave is spent with sleepless nights, dirty diapers (there's SO many of them!), pumping like a damn dairy cow to store enough milk for when you return to work...and then there's the normal domestic duties: dishes, laundry (OMG the laundry!), cooking, taking out the trash (does this exceed our 25lb lifting limit?), sweeping/vacuuming. We spot mop because we can't be bothered to do the whole floor (and if you do, the baby will wake up demanding to be fed, at which point you have to walk across your freshly mopped floor...) Let's be honest, we NEVER dust anymore. But all of this is temporary, right? As soon as you get back to work, your spouse will help out...you're partners....right?
I wish that was the case, and for some of you, it very well may be. But for most of us, that's not the case. Here is a typical day in my home (when the hubby is actually home and not in the field or deployed).
0415 Alarm goes off. I hit snooze
0500 I finally get up. Turn on hair straightener, brush teeth while it heats up. Hubby gets dressed, packs gym bag, and goes to wake up the kids (I really am blessed, don't let my resentment fool you).
0530 Kids are dressed and sitting down for breakfast. Hubby gives hugs and kisses before heading out the door for PT. I make my coffee for the day, one for now and one for work (coffee=life!)
0550 Kids brush teeth
0555 Depart house
0620 Daycare drop off
0630 Call my mom and catch up, bitching about how stressful things are lately
0700-1600 Work
1600-1700 Gym (the only ME time I get all day!)
1710 Pick up kids from daycare
1725 Load kids into car and head home
1745 Arrive home, let dogs outside and start cooking dinner. Break up fights, deal with winning, deal with housebreaking puppy...omg it never ends!
1800 Hubby normally gets home
1815 Dinner. 2 year old play "drums" on 4 year old's head, 4 year old talks too much and barely eats. 4 year old decides he needs to go potty, comes back and eats 2 more bites before declaring he's "full" (he'll complain that he's hungry later and want more food....)
1830 Clean up from dinner. Hubby does dishes (yay!).
1845 Start a load of laundry (or switch last night's load. Or worse, run a rinse/spin cycle because the laundry didn't get switched 2 nights ago because it's smelly musky...eww). Sit down and "relax". Kids fight over toys, whine about putting on a movie (no, not THAT one! THAT one, with the guy, no not THAT guy! Mommy!!!)
2000 Ok kids, time for bed! "No, you're going to sleep in YOUR bed!" 10 hugs and 7 kisses later, back to the couch to finish our show. Never mind, I'm too tired, we will watch it tomorrow.
2015 Hubby tries to get sexy...dude, do you know what I've been through today? Oh, and I'm on my period and haven't shaved all week. "just because one ride shuts down doesn't mean they close the whole park." OMG! The park is closed due to thunderstorms, go away!
2030 FINALLY get to go to sleep, repeat again tomorrow!
Keep in mind, this is a GOOD day for me. This isn't meal prep day, I didn't have to hand wash a pot or pan because the dishwasher was actually turned on (must check the morning to see if last night's load actually got clean). We bough a robot vacuum to help with the sweeping (damn near lost my mind with the dog and kids tracking in grass from outside!) I'm SUPPOSED to mop at least once a week, but that doesn't always happen. Laundry sits in baskets even when clean because I just can't be bothered to put it waway. So then I have to dig through baskets to find matchingsocks and clean pants that actually goes with the shirt the kids picked out...
So what does hubby do? He gets the kids ready for school (most mornings), he does the dishes after dinner, he'll start laundry (but often foreets to switch it), and he will take out the trash, sometimes without being asked. I'm blessed, but it usually feels like I'm carrying the full weight of the duties.
Ladies, I'm not trying to talk bad about our spouses. They try, they really trey. But I don't think they realize or fully appreciate what we go trhrough EVERY DAY!
The lesson: Value the help you DO get. Show your partner what appreciation looks like so that one day the appreciation may be reciprocated. Also, don't forget to ask. Sometimes they need that extra reminder that there are still tasks to be accomplished.
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