So I’ve talked about being a mom and being a military spouse, but this is a subject I haven’t touched on yet. It’s a very sensitive topic and may have triggers for some of my readers.
I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in January of 2015 after a stint in an inpatient mental health facility, and my diagnosis was changed in 2016 to Bipolar II. I go through periods of depression and hypo-mania. My episodes usually last about 10-14 days but can go much longer. My depression usually will start out as just fatigue and then progress as far as not eating to binging, neglecting personal hygiene, self-harm, crying, decreased sex drive, and irritatibility. There is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and sometimes life doesn't feel worth living. My hypo-manic behavior usually results in over-spending, increased sex drive, irritability, and shortened periods of sleep. I also go on cleaning sprees or workout excessively when going through a manic episode.
You may be wondering why I chose now to write about this topic. Well, that's an excellent question.
Recently I've been having more frequent episodes. I seem to be bouncing from depression to mania with little break in between. It's been getting difficult to distinguish depression from an episode from having a bad day.
Why is this significant? Bipolar disorder cannot be cured, but rather managed with medication. It is important to recognize the start of an episode from just being in a poor mood.
Clearly, my medication isn't right at the moment. I was finally able to sit down with my psychiatrist and we are changing my medication. This is a difficult decision for me because my previous mood stabilizer kept my episodes in check, but caused serious weight gain. My current medication doesn't make me gain weight, but isn't helping with my mood swings. Poor self-esteem from body image can send me further into a depressed episode which is part of why I want to lose weight. On top of that, my therapy sessions have been few and far between because of doctor availability. Mental health disorders suck and require a lot of awareness. I finally switched therapists as well so I can work on coping skills as well as work through emotional baggage between and during episodes.
The lesson: be present. Assess your mental state on a regular basis. Is your behavior and mood consistent or do you have mood swings more than a "normal" person? Take care of yourself mentally! You're a mother and your kids need you!
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